Here are my notes from the Theology on Tap that was held on Sept. 29, 2004:
Marriage is the image of the covenant that Christ has made with His church.
First five years of marriage, time, sex, & money become issues.
Time & relationships...
Marriages don't fail because of poor sex.
Debt brought into marriage.
1/2 cohabit before marriage...higher divorce rate because it's contrary to will of God as revealed by Christ.
Sexual union is reserved for marriage.
Without marital commitment, cohabitating couple knows they can walk out that door & mindset carries into marriage. Sex becomes focus, intimacy doesn't develop during courtship...cheapens or diminishes richness of God's gift.
Sex is complete gift of self to another with openness to life.
If you're not having sex outside of marriage, don't start; if you're having sex outside of marriage, stop.
Flags in relationship - sexually-involved individuals may marry because they gave themselves to each other.
Annulment: void something that was...was this marriage a sacrament or not? Grave defect in discretion of judgment (if person didn't intend to be completely faithful to their spouse; divorce as an option; someone from beginning doesn't want to have children; marry for immigration reasons)
KNOW what marriage is, know partner & know self
Freely CHOOSE marriage.
KNOWING & CHOOSING is key
As for premarital pregnancy, don't compound a problem with another.
There isn't just "one" out there.
We all have "shadows" - better to know what ours are & what the other person's is. Know their upbringing & if it could possibly affect the relationship.
How does someone respond in stress?
Anything you see in courtship period is only going to come out/intensify in marriage.
Marry non-Catholic only if there's no expectation that they will eventually become or convert to Catholic.
300 annulments per year reported in diocese.
Good indicators need to be present for a marriage within a short period of time: shared values, support from family, etc.
Annulment is judgment of spiritual reality.
Problems in relationship may not be the couple, but from past dynamic with father or mother.
Weddings in this country are such a big production, we often don't realize that this is for a lifetime.
If you love someone the way they are right now, go for it, but not if you intend to change that person.
Red flags: infatuation
Listen to your own heart, you'll know when you see that (values) in someone else & you know that this is right & what God has called them to - is this someone open to growing spiritually?
Let that stressful situation bring out the best in them, persevere, not to give up.
With other Christians, we have way more in common than we have differences.
Another key is the friends you have. There needs to be a healthy balance.
How do I handle conflict? How did my family handle conflict? How was it expressed in family growing up?
God turns our wounds into blessings. You can be a gift for someone else later.
Shared weakness is our greatest strength.
Become best friends or it's not what it could be.
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